And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
