I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
