It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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