just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
