Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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