Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We got so high we made milksteak
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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