Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize