i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
