Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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