I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
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My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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