She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
