he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
