I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
True strength comes from lack of pants
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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