i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
