We named our party play list daddy issues
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
