I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
