Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
