You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
