if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
