As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I love you.
Bad choice
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