remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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