matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
