Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm like, not good at living.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
