Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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