You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
