he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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