I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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