'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
