i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
