I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
