the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
