Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
His hands were made for my vagina.
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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