I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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