I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
