are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
