Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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