and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
