A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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