i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
