Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
