I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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