Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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