We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
