She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
