Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
