What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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