May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
