Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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