just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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