please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she woke up with a sticky ear
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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