I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
