Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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