Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
