Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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