She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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