Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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