We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
