Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
