I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize