i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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