Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
