I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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