Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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