he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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