I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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