paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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