Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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