the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
