since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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