no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
